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Making Judgments

     I was talking to a friend the other day and he said something about how oblivious other people can be at times when it comes to helping other people.  My response was "don't be judgmental, you never know what is going on with people". 
     We don't ever know what is going on with people and yet we are always wanting to hold them to our standards.  We don't like it when others try to hold us to their standards, why do we do it in return?  We don't know how people are raised to know if they were taught any kind of "polite society manners".  Maybe they are lost in thought and don't even see what is going on around them to see that someone needs help.  Maybe circumstances in their life have made them angry and bitter people and they have not made a choice to be any other way.
     When I work with people I find that often times, they just don't know any difference.  They don't have the skills to see that they do have other choices.  They become so enmeshed in the situation, that it is hard to see anything else.  We grow up hearing who and what we are, and if we hear it often enough, we believe it.  So we act accordingly and don't question it.  If we do start to question it, then it becomes uncomfortable and some will continue on and make break throughs, while others will stay in their comfort zone.  And maybe those just need some time to think about it and go at a slower pace.  I don't know what is best for others.  I give them resources and let them use what feels right to them.
      So when it comes to judging others, we need to know what is going on with them.  It is easy to judge as that we grow up making judgments about others, most often in order to make ourselves feel better.  When we are secure in who we are, we don't need to judge others.  It's a hard habit to break.  I invite you to change the habit by catching yourself at it.  Rather than judging others, you can use what you observe to understand yourself.  If you see someone not being helpful, you can realize that it is in your nature to help others.  If someone seems "stupid" to you, know that you value intellect, there is nothing wrong with them if they don't.  People are a mirror for us to see ourselves, so I invite you to look into the mirror when you are judging and see what it is saying about you, rather than what it is saying about someone else............................

2 Comments to Making Judgments:

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Rowan on Friday, June 15, 2012 6:26 PM
Just last night I was having a conversation with my 16 year old daughter about this. She was expressing her awareness of "judging", and how exhausting it can be to monitor and "stop" herself and explain it away all the time. I suggested that she practice ALLOWING the judgement for a specified period of time - revel in it. Hearing it, and realizing it is one way someone her age has of defining herself is valuable. What she likes and doesn't like, behaviors she chooses to avoid, people she might like to emulate - all of that comes from "judgement". I think sometimes it is BECAUSE we judge ourselves for judging, that we forget that it can be an important part of self-definition. It is when we take that judgement and attach "values" - "good", "bad", "better than me", "worse than me" that, I think, we turn discernment into something less healthy.
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Stacy on Saturday, June 16, 2012 7:56 AM
Nice teachings to the 16 year old Rowan!!!!
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