I love to read as that it always gives me something to think about that expands the way I think. So recently I was reading about how we make statements in the form of a question. We ask things like "Don't you think it would be better if you did it this way?" "Do we really need to talk about that right now?" "Did you forget to do the dishes?" And there are a million others that we can come up with.
The point is that rather than make a statement, we feel more comfortable couching it as question. Why is that? And why do we tend to talk about our issues in a generalized way? As in "You just never know when you're going to have someone stomp all over you." Why do we feel so comfortable shifting our emotions elsewhere?
I find that we are taught that as children. We are most often not taught that it's ok to make mistakes. We are young, we don't know how to deal with the situations that we encounter. So we will handle them with the limited knowledge that we have. Of course we are going to make mistakes. That's what life is about. In whatever we do, until we have practiced it enough for it to become a habit, we are going to make mistakes.
And as children, we learn what is acceptable and what is not by the reactions we get from the world around us. So we also learn to practice being who we are not in order to avoid being punished or admonished, criticized or belittled. And as we practice that, it becomes a habit. And because it is not who we are, it is easier if we are able to disassociate ourselves as a way to try to maintain some of our authenticity. We don't want to hurt others, so we learn to avoid being abrasive, so we "ask" rather than take ownership of our feelings and we say "you" so that we don't have to be associated with the unpleasantness.
It is very empowering to own your feelings and to be able to articulate them. I love to work with building people's confidence and helping them to find their voice. It becomes easier the more you are able to stay present and own your feelings. It can save a lot of arguments to say, "I think it might be easier if we tried doing it this way", "I am not really up to talking about this right now. Let's do it tomorrow after I have time to think about it", "I see that you forgot to do the dishes, can I count on you to get them done this evening?" And to own your feelings by saying "I just never know when someone is going to stomp all over me." Being responsible for how you feel will most likely open a lot of other emotions that have been suppressed as well. Let them out, embrace them, work through them and you'll be amazed how good it feels to step into your own personal power.
I invite you to go on a questions diet for a week. You may find it quite surprising how many times you couch your desires in a question or how often you say "you" instead of "I" when stating something about yourself. When you start to ask a statement question, stop yourself and then phrase it as a statement rather than a question and see how it feels....................