Moving forward in our lives sometimes takes on a scary dimension. Even though we are not happy with the way that life is at the moment, it is familiar to us, and so many people choose to stay in a job, or a house or a relationship that no longer suits them because they fear change.
Change is something that we don't always have control over, but there are certain aspects of our life where we have complete control. That aspect is choice. We have control over the choices that we make. If we are in an unhealthy relationship, it is because we choose to stay in it. We make excuses for it, like financially we can't afford to leave, the children will be affected, or any number of reasons. The bottom line, we are choosing to be unhappy rather than making a change in order to find something better.
If we are used to being in abusive relationships, then they seem "normal" and often people don't' realize that it is abusive. If we abuse ourselves more than the person we are with does, then we will stay in the relationship. If we abuse ourselves less, then we leave. We are raised to think that we "aren't good enough", because we are always being judged by someone else's standards and always seem to be falling short and getting the message that we aren't good enough.
The standards are meant as guidelines for us, but we aren't able to understand that as children because our emotions have not matured enough to be able to tell the difference. I'm constantly amazed by what I hear parents telling their kids these days. It hurts my heart to hear these poor little souls being made to feel bad about themselves or being held responsible for the parent's happiness or lack thereof. What we say has so much impact on children and adults and yet we take little notice of it because it has become a habit for us.
In my last post, I talked about the power of words. They can be destructive on so many levels. Much of the time, it is the words that we say to ourselves that are the most destructive. We generalize and think that everyone is out to get us, when in reality it is only a person or two that you perceive as being against you.
NLP looks at many of the patterns that we run in our heads and helps us to determine if it is really true or not. It helps us see the patterns and then reframe them into something more useful to us so that we can move on and let go of the old negative behaviors.
Start asking yourself why something upsets you the next time you are angry and allow your mind to tell you what is really behind it. When you can be neutral and just observe it, you will find yourself in a better space to be able to let it go and move forward. What is it that you are getting from the bad relationship that keeps you there? What is it about the job that you don't like that you can't walk away from? What decisions are you not wanting to make? Get in the habit of trying to understand where your actions spring from and then you can make the choice to change them......