If you've read any of my blogs up to this point, you know that I'm a big fan of Don Miguel Ruiz and his four agreements. So this post is about the third one which is, "Don't Make Assumptions".
I am always aware of how easy it is to "assume" that when someone says something that their meaning of that is the same meaning as my own. I have learned over the years, and through doing NLP and hypnosis, that everyone has a different model of the world. We do not all think alike and we do not all believe the same things about life.
Based on how we were raised, the influences that we have had in our lives, this world can look very different from one person to the next. When someone says something about us, we make the assumption that we know what they are talking about. But do we? How do we know unless we ask questions?
If you say that I am lazy, then to fully understand what you are saying, I must understand what exactly your beliefs about lazy are. What do I do that fits your criteria of a lazy person? This can be very different to different people. So first I must ask you the question, "What do I do that makes you think that?" And then from their answer, I will know why they think that about me. And it doesn't mean that I really am lazy. It only means that I fit their criteria for being lazy.
So many times, because we make an assumption that we are talking about the same thing, we create a story around it. We get upset, get angry, want to lash back at a person who has said something hurtful, when we don't even really know what they meant by it. We are only judging their comment by our standards, not what they are really saying. You would think that with a dictionary, we would all think pretty much the same about the words that we use, but we are often very far off from what another person may be thinking.
Next time someone says something to you that you don't like, ask them what they mean. And keep asking until you have a clear idea of what they mean, and then remember that it is only information that they are giving you as to how they think. Honor their right to their opinion. No need to try to prove to them that you aren't what they think you are. If you fit their criteria, then chances are, they aren't going to change how they think about you, until they change how they view their world. And you can take that information and ask yourself if there is any truth to it, and decide what you want to do about it after that. Life is always about choices. You can choose to be upset by words or view them for the information that they are..................