I am always struck by how easy it is for people to take things so personally. I used to be one of those people. I remember reading the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the second agreement is "Don't take things personally". It seemed pretty hard not to at that time, but that was a few years ago, and I am happy to say that I have grown through experiences since then.
What I have learned is that the other person is not saying anything about me, but more they are giving me information about themselves. If someone thinks that I am selfish, then they are only telling me that they have a criteria for what selfish looks like, and that something I have done meets that criteria. Does it mean that I'm a selfish person? No. I have the choice of listening to it and deciding if there is any truth to it or not. I need to know how that other person perceives the world before I know if there is any validity to it.
Which ties right into the third agreement of "Don't make assumptions". Ask what they mean by their statement. What does selfish mean to them? You will be amazed at how often people have a very different meaning for a word then the one that you have for it, which can cause a lot of misunderstandings to happen.
The same holds true for the judgements that we make about other people. We are seeing them through our own filters and giving them information about how we perceive the world when we judge them. And most of our judgments were taught to us at some point.
I often ask clients to close their eyes, relax, and then think about who they are. To hear the voice that tells them who they are. And then to identify that voice. Most often the voice is a mom, dad, sibling, teacher, or someone else that has told them that they are lazy, or not very smart, or shy, or not confident, or the myriad of other things that we tell ourselves and believe, because someone else told them to us. And remember that those people were only viewing us through their own filters. They were passing on what they learned.
I recently had someone tell me that I was going down the path of collapse and destruction because I had taken a clearing workshop and the James Van Praagh workshop for mediumship. He indicated that I was in denial of the "cultish" path I was stepping onto. Was I angry? Not at all. I know that this is a person that sees "evil" in so much of the world. He was raised going to Catholic schools. So it was not surprising to me that he would perceive what I was doing in that light. He was just giving me information about how he viewed the world.
So the next time you hear family or friends telling you "who or what you are", remember they are giving you information about themselves only. We all know inherently who and what we are. We need only listen to that voice inside of us that resonates from our heart to know who we are.....